Young Hearts, Run Free
by elsaistherelifeonmars
Summary: Jasia spin on this years standalone episode "Young Hearts, Run Free" (S18E13). The internship is real but does Jac really want Zosia to go? Does she change her mind? Will Zosia find a reason to stay?


**I was making some edits when I had the idea of manipulating some screen caps to give the episode a Jac/Zosia spin, then I decided I might as well turn it into a fanfiction.**  
 **This is a rewrite of the standalone episode in which Jac and Zosia confront their feelings for each other and Olli lands a helping hand. Hope you enjoy, please comment if you have time :) Obviously, quite a bit of the dialog is taken directly from the episode, I take no credit for that!**

Jac Naylor looked up when the elevator doors opened and Oliver Valentine stormed out followed by Zosia March. Both of them said a quick "Good morning" but were clearly engaged in an argument. Jac frowned, she had other things to deal with than one of her registrars and a junior falling out. She closed the folder on the desk and followed after them.  
"Can I see you in my office please, Doctor March?" Jac decided it was best just to interrupt them before their argument escalated any further. Zosia looked at her in surprise but nodded, surely she was wondering what she had done wrong even if it was only for a moment.  
"Yes, sure." She replied quickly. The consultant decided it was best to walk away, she didn't want to know what they were arguing about but she couldn't help but look back. Zosia was too preoccupied to notice.  
"Zosia, it's fine, I agree, let's just drop it!" Oliver said interrupting her.  
"But…" She tried to protest.  
"I think I've got a pretty good idea of what's going on. I'm sorry I've made things awkward."  
"It has nothing to do with you, honestly. It's just… there is someone else." The junior doctor realised she was shouting over nothing, they were already in agreement about their kiss.  
"I know that. And now that you've admitted that to yourself, why don't you go and see what Ms Naylor wants?" Oliver finished the sentence on a soft smile.

Jac had read through the email three times, she had made the first step by asking Zosia to see her, now she just had to get the actual conversation over with. It didn't take long for the junior to enter her office.  
"You wanted to see me?" Jac forced a smile and thankfully her professionalism kicked in. After all, no-one could accuse Jac Naylor of being guided by her emotions.  
"Yes, Doctor March, an opportunity has arising that I would like to discuss with you."  
"What sort of opportunity?" Zosia was genuinely surprised.  
"An internship." The consultant replied, as much as she didn't like the idea of the young doctor leaving, she couldn't not tell her. She had to remain professional and suggest what was best for her career, so she began to give her the details. "The joint research venture with the Edinburgh Institute is something of a coup for us. They're working on new heart-valve-tech to save living tissue rather than replace it. When they told me they had a clinical placement available I instantly thought of you." She tried to put a joyful spin on it. Many years of experience had taught her to mimic most emotions perfectly. Zosia didn't say anything for a moment, reluctance was clearly painted all over her face. Jac felt almost relieved but she couldn't afford to let her feelings on the matter influence her decision so she went on: "I thought you would jump at the opportunity."  
"Sorry, I haven't been feeling myself lately." Zosia replied quickly.  
"Something that's not gone unnoticed." The consultant retorted in her usual nonchalant manner. She had in fact noticed a change in the young doctor's behaviour that concerned her but she had done her best to keep her distance and stay out off her private affairs. "Is your bipolar affecting you?" There was more concern in the question than her tone was leading on.  
"Just some slight symptoms." Zosia admitted. "Feeling anxious at times." For a brief moment Jac considered asking if she needed someone to talk to, needed support, but she decided it would be out of character for her and she couldn't afford to behave that way.  
"Well then, maybe a six month research sabbatical is exactly what you need." It pained her to say it but depending on what was making her feel that way, it might well be the best thing for her.  
"Can I have some time to think about it?" The junior asked.  
"It's an appointment with immediate effect. I promised their clinical director an answer by the end of the day." Zosia didn't say anything and Jac could tell this was a decision she would struggle with, just like she had struggled to even bring it up. The consultant had no illusions. She wasn't completely oblivious to matters of personal relationships as she had often been accused of. She knew something was going on between Zosia and Oliver though she wasn't sure what exactly. She couldn't be seen to take an interest. She wasn't part of the equation, she reminded herself, she would never be so she might as well let them get on with it. She had had impossible crushes before and got over them. Admittedly, she would usually have made a play for that crush anyway. And in true Naylor style she would probably have got what she wanted even if it was just for a time but there was no point. She wouldn't ruin a perfectly good working relationship, the friendship with one of her registrars and potentially her own career and that of a brilliant junior just for the sake of a crush.  
"Just let me know what you want to do." Jac said at last when she realised neither one of them had spoken in a while and Zosia nodded before excusing herself and leaving her to her own thoughts.

"Jac, we need to talk." Oliver stuck his head into the consultant's office and Jac looked up from the computer screen.  
"Any developments in Carl's case?" She asked. The case they had taken on this morning was anything but straight forward. The registrar shook his head.  
"About Zosia."  
"Oh by all means, do come in so we can discuss your love life." Jac retorted her voice dripping with sarcasm.  
"There is nothing going on between me and Zosia, nothing at all." Oliver said as he closed the door behind himself. Jac tried her best to look indifferent but the sincerity in his voice surprised her. "This is about the placement. She told me about it." He explained.  
"I fail to see what business this is of yours."  
"Don't you think you're making a mistake?"  
"Why would I be making a mistake?" Jac frowned in confusion.  
"She doesn't want to go but there is no good reason for her to turn it down." He said. "And surely, you don't want her to go?"  
"If she doesn't want to go that's fine. It would be stupid, but fine. I don't mind what she does one way or another. What does any of this have to do with me?" She asked and he gave her a knowing look.  
"Come on Jac, I've known you for almost seven years now, do you really think I wouldn't notice the way you look at her when you think no-one is watching?" It took quite a bit of courage to speak his mind but he couldn't stay out of it any longer. He cared about both of them too much and he knew no-one else would dare to bring it up with the consultant.  
"You are dangerously close to the line, Valentine." Jac retorted threateningly but she could feel herself blushing. Was it really that obvious? She wasn't surprised it was Oliver though, out of all their colleagues.  
"I'm not trying to push you, I'm not saying you need to ask her out right this second but surely sending her away, all the way to Scotland, just so you don't have to confront your feelings…"  
"This has nothing to do with how I feel, Valentine!" She snapped. There was no point in denying what he had worked out. "I couldn't have just ignored the email and not told her because I like having her here but I decided, for her sake and her career, that I needed to at least give her the option. It's a great opportunity."  
"Don't be selfless, Jac, it doesn't suit you. She wants to stay but she doesn't want to let you down. Give her an out." He insisted but before she could reply, there was a knock on the door.  
"Sorry, am I interrupting?" Zosia asked as she looked in.  
"We're done here." Jac replied and gestured for her to come in.  
"It's Carl… I think he's pregnant."

"The mother is the priority. He's young, there'll be other chances to have a child." Jac said as they walked to Carl's room.  
"You don't get it, do you? Once he starts this hormone treatment, all chances of having a baby of his own will be gone. You truly don't understand what he's going through, do you?" Oliver objected and the consultant retorted:  
"Carl is just some messed up kid who's seeking attention wherever he can get it."  
"That isn't what the psych assessment said." The registrar pointed out. "Okay, well, why don't you take it up with them?"  
"Fine, get someone from Obs & Gynae and we'll do what we can for him but when we know more."Jac said but in that moment, the beeping of Carl's heart monitor drew their attention. The two senior doctors hurried into the room while Zosia got the crash trolly.  
"He's in VF, we need the paddles on, quickly please." Oliver said checking the patient's pulse. Jac began CPR while the registrar attended to his airway and Zosia placed the defibrillator pads.  
"Charge to 150." Jac instructed.  
"Clear." Zosia said and they all stepped away.  
"Shock." Jac nodded calmly and the junior shocked the patient. "No." The consultant observed and resumed CPR. "Adrenaline, Atropine, please." Zosia already had already prepared the medication and Jac smiled at the way she anticipated her instructions. "Charge to 200." She continued when the drugs had been administered.  
"Charging." Zosia confirmed and they went through the routine again.  
"Clear. Shock." Jac said and this time, it had the desired effect. "Good work everyone." The consultant said and her eyes met Zosia's if only for a moment. She quickly excused herself with instruction to be called when they had the Obs & Gynae consult. She knew Oliver was watching her leave but she refused to let what he had said before get to her.

The next time she saw Zosia was when Mr. T performed an ultrasound on Carl. The junior stood close to her and it took just that tiny bit more of concentration for her to keep her focus on the patient. She laid out his options for him while in the back of her mind she couldn't help but wonder if Zosia really didn't want to leave. The junior seemed completely focused on the patient, she had hardly looked at her. Since she had made her the job offer this morning, there had been a certain tension between them. The last thing she wanted to do was force her to leave but she could hardly tell her that. She felt a little more at ease when Oliver joined them.  
"We'll give you some time to think things through." Jac ended the conversation and briefly glanced at the registrar. She could tell he wanted to say something about their previous conversation so it was just as well he started to follow her outside.  
"What would you do?" Carl stopped her with his question.  
"Save yourself. You'll have other options in the future." Jac glanced at Zosia realising her words had meaning on more level than one. "Adoption. Fostering." She added to not get sidetracked and the junior looked away as if only just realising what they were talking about. Jac took a deep breath, she knew she had said too much, even if she didn't mean to, her eyes had betrayed her. She forced her attention back to the patient.  
"It's not my kid, it's not the same." He said.  
"Carl, this is your choice. Whatever you decide to do, we'll support you." She met Zosia's eyes again. The damage was done so she decided she might as well carry on and imply it applied to her as well. This time, it was the junior that looked away. She didn't follow when she walked out accompanied by Oliver and Mr. T.  
"It's a tricky case, the foetus is viable." The obstetrician said as they were out of earshot of the patient.  
"Any thoughts on how we can keep them both alive?"  
"Nothing." He shook his head in response to her question. "Apart from careful monitoring post-op, that's if the baby survives surgery of course. Just keep me posted…" He turned to walk away but decided there was something else: "Are you sure you want to let her go?"  
"Excuse me?" Jac looked at him in confusion.  
"Zosia I mean."  
"I didn't say anything." Oliver said quickly just as she shot him an angry glance.  
"I don't mean to get involved of course." Mr. T said quickly and Jac shot back:  
"Then don't." He hurried off as if burnt.  
"What are you so scared off?" Oliver asked and she chose not to say anything. He already knew too much about how she was feeling. She also had every confidence that he already knew the answers to all these questions, he just wanted to make her talk about her feelings which she categorically refused to do.  
"Let me know when we get the tests back so we can see what we can do to help Carl and the baby."

"I still can't get my head around that situation." Zosia confessed as she caught up with Mr. T.  
"His gender appeal isn't related to sexuality. Carl is attracted to men. Probably always will be." The consultant replied but he couldn't deny the situation was complicated.  
"Yeah… Passing yourself off as a guy I understand but how is he going to form any relationships." She wondered as they started walking down the corridor towards the lifts.  
"I suppose it'll go along the lines of: By the way mate, I used to be a woman, you got a problem with that?" He answered and she laughed at his impersonation attempt.  
"Yeah, doesn't take any prisoners does he?"  
"No, no, he'll find someone, every ying has their yang…" He mused and she could tell it wasn't really the patient he wanted to talk about.  
"Are we talking about pandas now?"  
"Don't you ever think that you will find Mr. Right? Or Mrs. Right?" The sneaky addition didn't escape her notice but she decided to ignore it.  
"Doesn't exist." She replied and Mr. T seemed disappointed.  
"You've got to believe that she's out there." When she remained silent he added: "Quick question though, for you, what is the worst thing about being single?"  
"Happy couples, all loved up." She retorted, that was an easy answer.  
"Yeah, makes you sick, doesn't it?" He agreed with a chuckle.  
"What about you?" She asked.  
"Just the thought that I'm not good enough for her." Mr. T confessed and Zosia could tell he needed some cheering up.  
"Come on! Consultant's pay check. All your own front teeth." He grinned and he laughed.  
"What? Do you fancy me?" She didn't know how to respond to that question and he rescued her quickly: "No, sorry, well. For the record I'd say that you're moderately attractive, well, very attractive. But look, anyway, the point is, how often is that attraction balanced? How often do you find that perfect match? True love in its purest form is such a rare thing… So what do you think to Jac Naylor?" His musing ended so abruptly and with such an unexpected question that she just starred at him in shock.  
"Jac? Do you fancy, Jac?"  
"No, I mean, what do YOU think to her?" He laughed at the absurdity of her response.  
"I doubt Jac knows anything about true love, she's a sociopath." Zosia retorted with a frown. It was a bit of a harsh assessment but there was some truth to it. She doubted very much the CT consultant entertained the idea of true love.  
"Yeah well, but does that matter? You know what you said, consultant's pay check, all her own front teeth…" He smiled ever so amused that he could turn her words against her.  
"I don't know what you're trying to say…" She replied but that was a lie, she knew what he was saying but she didn't want to have to answer.  
"Does it matter that she is a bit of a sociopath? If you like her, you like her." He looked at her knowingly when she remained silent. "And you do? Like her?"  
"Yeah well, she's sending me to Edinburgh so…"  
"Don't go then. See where things go, there is no point in running away from your feelings, you've got a real chance here."  
"I really haven't." She laughed almost bitterly. "She wants me to go for the placement… I can't just say I don't want to go cause I want to stay here, with her, she'll laugh in my face."  
"Maybe it's time you took a chance, Zosia." Mr. T smiled and the lift doors closed between them.

"I think I've found a solution." Zosia announced when they all met again to discuss Carl's further treatment. Jac watched her closely as she explained her idea and she couldn't deny the procedure, and Zosia in fact, was quite brilliant. Intelligence was so attractive.  
"There is no precedence for a procedure like that." She found herself saying trying to remain professional.  
"As we know, the Edinburgh Institute are already looking into trials." The mention of the institute made Jac's heart sink but she continued to listen: "We'd use a redesigned clip, admittedly, but the theory is still sound. We could put him on a low dose of heparin through the pregnancy and then complete the replacement post-birth."  
When Carl started crashing again they were out of options. Jac couldn't deny that Zosia's idea was worth a try. She saw Carl grasp the junior's hand, she always marvelled at her ability to form a connection with the patient. It was just that ability that was needed in theatre that day.

"We have to go for general anaesthetic." Jac said when Carl couldn't keep still.  
"We'll lose the baby." Oliver objected but only half-heartedly. It was Zosia that took the initiative and walked around the table to hold Carl's hand. The consultant watched her carefully and gestured for the anaesthesiologist to hold on.  
"Look at me, Carl, look at me. You have to remember why you're doing this."  
"For me, for my baby." He answered and Jac knew this would work. She knew Zosia would be able to distract him enough for her to carry out the procedure.  
"And all those happy times you're going to have. Be able to become the person you always knew you were." The junior kept talking to him do distract him and it seemed to be working.  
"It's what I've always wished for." He agreed quietly.  
"Okay, ready to close the clip." Jac announced and Zosia glanced up at her. "Nice and still please."  
"You just have to keep thinking of how much you want this. I've never met anyone like you before. You have to believe in yourself." She continued.  
"Okay… clip's holding. No sign of valve regurgitation." Oliver said in relief.  
"Good. Well done Doctor March." Jac couldn't not say it and Zosia couldn't help but smile a little. Their eyes met briefly and the consultant looked away quickly. She hoped the junior didn't see just how in awe of her she was in that moment and how much she dreaded the thought that this might be the last time they'd looked at each other across an operating table.

After theatre, Jac retreated to her office. There were too many things going around in her head. The day was drawing to a close and Zosia would have to make a decision. She knew she would take the job unless she persuaded her otherwise. Had Oliver been right? Maybe she should just take a chance. She was notorious for taking risks in theatre so why did she hesitate now? What was she so scared off? It wasn't the rejection, she could deal with that. It was the alternative. She couldn't imagine Zosia possibly feeling the same way but wasn't that what Oliver had basically implied earlier? She wished Elliot was here to help her through her emotional turmoil but no such luck.

Zosia looked round when the door to the locker room was opened. Part of her hoped to see Jac but it was Oliver that greeted her with a smile.  
"Have you made a decision yet?"  
"I guess I'm going to take the job." She shrugged. "No reason not to."  
"Why don't you go and talk to Jac…" He asked and she shook her head.  
"And say what? Sorry Ms Naylor, I'd rather stay here if it's all the same to you. Also, your ginger hair is really pretty. I think we should go out."  
"That doesn't sound too bad." He laughed and she rolled her eyes at him.  
"Yeah, right. Thanks for your concern but I won't moon after her like a lovesick teenager. Jac Naylor doesn't have feelings for anyone, least of all me…"  
"Zosia…" The junior jumped when Jac opened the door in a what appeared to be quite a hurry. Zosia swallowed hard hoping she hadn't heard any part of their previous conversation.  
"Jac…" She replied not sure what else to say. She glanced at Oliver like she was asking for help but he just smiled and remained silent.  
"About that internship…" The consultant said slowly, she shot the registrar a glance as well.  
"Talk to her." Oliver whispered to Zosia and excused himself. When the door closed behind him and they were alone, silence fell between them. Zosia picked up her bag and walked to meet her in the middle of the room.  
"What about it?" The junior doctor asked finally and Jac cleared her throat.  
"Well, I know I was pushing you towards it…"  
"I've decided to go." Zosia said, she didn't want to have to listen to her saying how much she wanted her to go, it would only hurt more.  
"Oh…" For the first time in her life Jac felt like she didn't know what to say. She lowered her gaze contemplating her options. Maybe it was all a bit too late now.  
"That's what you wanted to know, right? My decision?" Zosia clarified confused by her reaction.  
"Well, yes, obviously, of course, I wanted to know your decision." Jac pieced a sentence together with some difficulty which didn't go unnoticed.  
"Was there anything else?" The junior forced herself to ask. Just to appease her own mind.  
"No…" The consultant said and looked away again. Zosia nodded slowly and decided it was probably best to just go. "I mean, yes, actually, yes there is." Jac met her eyes again and placed her hand on her shoulder before she could walk past her. "I don't think you should go…"  
"Why? I thought you said…"  
"No, sorry, I phrased that wrong. You should go because it's a great opportunity, I just don't want you to." The consultant explained, she had said it and now she might as well follow through.  
"You don't?" Zosia wasn't sure what to think or how to react but she could tell her heart was beating just a little bit faster.  
"No, I really don't." Jac confessed and she sounded uncharacteristically vulnerable.  
"Can I ask why?" Zosia asked quietly and the consultant struggled with a response.  
"I'm usually much better at this…" She replied somewhat embarrassed at her lack of confidence.  
"I'm sure you are." The junior said deciding to just take the plunge and she took her face in her hands and kissed her. Jac sighed a sigh of relief into the kiss and buried her hands in her soft hair. She returned the kiss passionately when suddenly, the door to the locker room was opened again.  
"Oh sorry, I forgot my bag, carry on!" Olivier quickly walked past them to retrieve his belongings. "I'm guessing Edinburgh is out of the question then."


End file.
